Look In My Direction
by IncognitoGirl1993
Summary: I don't understand this world anymore. I can't piece things together with these eyes of black and white. Since I act tough I won't show any tears. I want to delete my cowardly soul. I'm no longer a child so I shouldn't be scared about what you might say. In my life as a whole, what kind of a person will you see me as? Slight AU. Jake/Calleigh. CaKe. One-shot


**I've always been a firm supporter of the CaKe pairing even to the end of the show. It's always been a favorite of mines. And I've finally decided on writing a story about them.**

**Look in My Direction**

* * *

It's been over four months now.

Jake sighed and turned the TV off. He tossed the remote and leaned his head back on the couch. His eyes hovered towards the ceiling and he stared aimlessly at it. Previous thoughts began resurfacing into his mind.

_"I think we should just take a step back, let things cool down a bit. Okay?"_

He frowned as he recalled the words he'd told Calleigh on that day. They'd been haunting him ever since then and he couldn't wrap his head around why. It was the day that the two had broken up. Regulations had been changed and new policies were installed.

The entirety of the situation and spontaneous decision to change the department rules made him feel sick. It made him feel even sicker at the fact that some part of him understood where the department was coming from. Things were much easier before all the changes.

Things were better back then.

But why? Was it because he didn't have Stetler down his neck? Was it due to the fact that back then there were fewer rules to remember?

Or was it because he was with her?

Jake angrily stood upwards and gazed at the clock hanging by his wall. It was late, close to eleven now. He grabbed his keys before stepping out the door. His destination was nowhere in particular he just needed to get out the house. He wondered just when was it that he began feeling like a stranger in his own house; when his house became so suffocating.

There was a slight feeling of relief at the quiet atmosphere outside. Hardly anyone was out at this time, which was good considering the fact that he was in no mood to be around any sort of noise. Yet, now his mind felt like it had been put to max volume.

His thoughts came to a pause as he reached a deli. The bright interior was a huge contrast to the darkened sky hovering just over his head. Attached to the store was a sign that, in a very bright blue color, read: 24-hour deli.

Legs and hands moving involuntary, he soon found himself opening the door and heading inside. Vaguely it hit him that he was thirsty. Just as quickly as he'd entered he was back outside with a can of soda. His legs then led him towards a bench. Once again the plaguing thoughts crept into his mind initiating the routine that had taken over his life.

Why?

How was it that he was feeling like this? Why did he feel hollow all of a sudden? When did he begin feeling like this?

His entire life he'd always been alone.

Working undercover had been convenient for him. All that was required was to be someone else; to alienate from normal society. There was no need to be himself. It was ironic and a bit melancholic to him. He's been someone else for so long that he hardly knew who he was.

But then, was he ever someone?

His life was like a song placed on repeat; a mélange of illusions. A life acted out of the shadows, self-sacrifice for the comfort and livelihood of others; pushing others away; watching from afar; giving his all for nothing.

Maybe things were meant to be like this. Perhaps it was his destiny to be alone.

And suddenly it felt as if the air had lessened by over thirty degrees, despite the fact that it was spring. Jake crushed the can in his hand before tossing it onto a nearby trash bin. He should already be use to the feeling of solitude; be fully accustomed to the emptiness.

But he wasn't. Was it because of meeting her?

There was a time where he'd undergone something new. At one point in his life he felt like he wasn't meant to walk down an empty path. That time was in his academy days; where he'd first met Calleigh Duquesne.

Initially Jake had found her to be a catch. It had started with a spark between them. Soon they had begun dating. Things had gone well until he stupidly ruined it. Being a young man at the time he felt like he had the entire world in his fingertips; he thought he could do as he pleased. In the end he only winded up losing Calleigh.

But it turned out fate wasn't done with him just yet.

He'd been reunited with Calleigh in not exactly the best circumstances. Still, he'd been thrilled to see her again. It was as almost as if nothing had changed.

Almost.

Jake had managed to win her heart over again. He felt that same delight he'd felt during their time together in the academy. For once in a long time he could say he was happy again. There were his Sunday afternoons and her morning coffee all over again. He was completely enamoured with her.

Unfortunately his happiness was short lived.

His career forced them apart just as it had done before. Only this time he believed that it was the last straw. This time it was for good. He didn't blame her for having enough. And he would understand if she wanted nothing to do with him.

Thinking about it now he realized it was never his career. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't the department's fault either. He was just doomed to walk this path; to be alone.

What did she think of him? Did she see him as a regret? Was he only a mistake to her? Or did she flat out despise him?

That one thought shot a burning sensation towards his insides. He clutched a hand over his chest. The truth was he hated this feeling. He didn't want to be alone. It felt as if there were these shackles binding him down, restraining him to the darkness and from finding the happiness he always wanted; the happiness Calleigh had given him.

_No more._

_No more._

Jake wasn't going to take it anymore. He wouldn't be bound by this pain anymore. It was then that it finally dawned on him. The clarity hit him with a painful jab to the face.

He loved her.

The realization had the corners of his lips lifting. It explained why he had been feeling like this. She was the reason for his pain as well as his happiness, a deadly combination. Her existence was everything to him; it was what he longed for. Although the epiphany enlightened him it also frightened him. How could things possibly be mended between them? What if she'd moved on? He knew that guy on her team had a thing for her too.

He had to find his answers.

With a speed he had no idea he possessed he darted in the opposite direction. This time there was a destination in mind. This time there was a purpose.

**... ... …. …. ... ... ... …. …. ... ... ... ….**

Calleigh raised a brow as the sound of her doorbell rang through her ears. Who in the world would visit her at a time like this? The unfinished file in her hand was laid on the table before standing. She glanced through the door's peephole and her breath hitched.

Jake Berkeley.

She froze entirely. There he was hunched over in front of her doorway looking as if he had just run marathon. Slowly and hesitantly she opened the door.

For a moment he stood with his hands leaning on his knees and catching his breath before turning to her. He looked like a mess. There were bags under his eyes and he looked as if he had not gotten a good night's sleep in a long while.

"Hey," he greeted with a weak wave as he seemed to have finally caught his breath.

"What are you doing here, Jake?" Calleigh asked effectively dodging a return greet. "At almost midnight?"

"Mind if I come in?"

She frowned. "I'm sorry?"

"I just want..." Jake trailed off abruptly knowing full well what he wanted; she was standing in front of him. "To talk." He finally said knowing he couldn't tell her yet.

"At almost midnight? Do you even realize—"

"Please."

Calleigh winced slightly at how he sounded so out of character. His tone was soft, gentle, and pleading. She'd never admit to herself that something had actually tugged at her heart. Stepping aside and opening the door she motioned for him to enter.

This wasn't the first time he'd stepped foot in her home. It was just as he'd remember it and he could practically taste the nostalgia in his mouth. There were too many fond memories for him to count.

"Want a drink or something?"

He snapped out of his reverie. "Uh no, I'm good."

"Okay then," Calleigh replied. "What exactly did you want?"

Jake found it funny when he was suddenly rendered speechless. All the half-assed preparations he'd done while running here had completely left his mind. It wasn't like him to be so mute, but his throat seemed to have swelled shut in the span of a few minutes.

"Well?" Calleigh added trying to maintain the mask of indifference for as long she could.

It was now or never.

"I wanted— no, I _had_ to see you."

Immediately she frowned defensively. "What is this about?"

"Us." He murmured.

"There is no us," She retorted a bit louder then she had intended. "Not anymore."

Jake flinched at the cold tone. Even though he'd prepared for her rejection, anticipated it, the fact was it still hurt. Her words cut deep. They were like a crushing weight invading his chest.

And still he wanted to continue.

_Because maybe_, the irrational, idiotic part of him continued repeating. _Because maybe. Because maybe. Because maybe._

It took everything Calleigh had to not flinch at his pained expression. She'd never seen that face on him; it was usually a smirk; a grin; a cocky smile, but not this. This couldn't happen again. They couldn't happen again. Forcing all the nagging feelings stabbing away at her to the back of her mind she quickly composed herself.

"If that's all you came here for then I suggest you head home."

"I never wanted to hurt you Calleigh. I only—"

"Just stop!" She snapped feeling her barriers begin to crumble. "Don't you get it already? It doesn't work. It will never work. You can't just waltz into my life and pretend like nothing ever happened. Why do you insist on continuously reappearing in my life and destroying it?!"

"Is that what I've made you think?" Jake replied in a weak voice.

Calleigh scoffed. "Can you blame me?"

"No, no I can't blame you but I just can't live without you."

"Oh really? Because it seems like you do just fine without me."

"Well you're wrong!" Jake retorted as his emotions began spiraling out of control. His insides were practically a hurricane. "I'm a damn wreck without you!"

Calleigh didn't know how much more she could endure. The serious tone of his words; the sincerity in his eyes; she couldn't take it. She needed to get him out.

"You shouldn't have come here tonight," she tried. "I think you should leave."

"I can't leave Calleigh. I refuse to leave without you."

She shot him an incredulous look. "Do you hear yourself right now?"

"It sounds stupid and completely ridiculous I know that!" Jake lowered his head and closed his eyes in frustration. "But... this is the only way I can say it!"

"Don't," Calleigh pleaded weakly before walking past him. "Please... leave Jake."

"I'm always screwing everything up Calleigh," he continued despite her order. "All the things that are important I'm always screwing up! Being alone was my way of coping, because I knew that no matter how many stupid things I did there was never anything hit in the crossfire. Then, I met you."

Calleigh was relieved her back was to him otherwise he would've seen how close she was to her breaking point.

"Meeting you changed everything Calleigh. I was an entirely different person with you; I was the person I'd always wanted to be. But I knew my reputation would eventually catch up with me, so I stupidly ended it. Imagine my surprise when we met again... I was so thrilled that I had completely forgotten my own code. It scares the hell outta me that I screw so many things up but, I just can't keep away from you! I can't stop freaking thinking about you! It pisses me off that I only just now realized how much you mean to me. I don't care about the new rules; I don't care what Stetler or anyone else says; and I could care less about my damn job. All I care about right now is you."

By now Calleigh was shivering, doing all she could to hold her composure.

"The only time I've ever felt human was when I was around you. I don't want to leave you and I don't want you to leave me." Jake exclaimed lowly, all the adrenaline from before slowly dissipating. "Even though I know you got every right to throw me out I'm here selfishly asking you not to. I don't think I can handle it. The truth is that... I love you."

Calleigh could've sworn she heard what was left of her walls crumble; could've sworn she heard the mask of indifference she wore crash onto the floor and shatter like glass. In one swift motion she turned around and crashed onto his chest, embracing him tightly.

Jake was clearly caught off guard by the action. His arms lay frozen in the air as hers wrapped around him. The scent of her shampoo entered his nose and it sunk in. This was real. She was actually at this close of a proximity, embracing him. He was finally able to get some movement in his arms as he pulled her closer to him.

"How Jake? How can you stand there and say all these things? How can you possibly say that it'll work out this time?" She muttered weakly into his chest.

"Because I know it will."

Calleigh managed a weak laugh. "That's such a 'you' answer you know."

He pulled apart slightly so that he was facing her. "I understand what these feelings are now Calleigh, that's why I know it _will_ be different this time. I will never ask you to wait; I will never push you away; instead, I'll walk by your side. And I won't ever leave your side again.

Jake began moving his face towards her and Calleigh knew what was coming. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, closing the gap. The promise was sealed with that.

Calleigh gave him a tired smile. "A bit much to absorb in one night huh?"

"My bad," Jake apologized sheepishly. "I just really had to get my ass in check already."

She chuckled when he released a yawn. "Look at you; it's as if you haven't gotten any sleep in decades."

"To be honest, I really haven't. So I guess I'll catch a cab or something."

"Don't be silly Jake, there's no need. You can stay here."

His face little up like a Christmas tree. "Now that sounds like a much better idea. My batteries are so drained right now. I need to recharge them Calleigh."

"Go on upstairs then, I'll meet you there once I put away this paperwork."

"Sure thing." Jake replied. He was already making his way to the room when he halted and lingered by the doorway. "Calleigh?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Hmm? What for?" She asked.

"For believing in me and setting me straight. Thanks for that."

A small blush crept on her face before smiling sweetly at him. "You're welcome."

Once all the files were piled neatly and placed in the table she headed towards her room. The day, although unexpected, had been a special one. Her body felt as light as a feather a contrast to how there had been a huge weight hanging over her for as long as she could remember. Upon entry she was met with a heartwarming sight.

Jake lay sprawled on the bed sleeping. His chest rising and falling and a chorus of low snores escaped him. A small grin was plastered on his face. His appearance was that of a person who has absolutely no care in the world.

Someone happy.

Calleigh made her way to the side and climbed onto the bed. She snuggled against his chest and his arm wrapped around her unconsciously just as it had always done in the past. For once she believed he was going to get a good sleep and so was she, because he wasn't the only one who had been feeling alone and empty.

Things would be better now.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**I think besides this there's only like two other pairings I support from CSI Miami. I don't really follow the overly popular pairings of the fandom although I've read a little of everything with them.**

**Thanks for the read. Drop a review.**


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